An extended apology

The matter of fact is that as long as I am apologizing, I must issue another apology.

I accepted ignorance but I haven't accepted lying. And I wouldn't have written anything if I didn't believe that both are equally sinister. Let me before taking this up talk about syllogism. To begin with, syllogism has a major premise, a minor premise and a conclusion. Now each of them is a proposition with two terms. To speak of apples as apples and oranges as oranges this is how it goes. If one was to say that 'All A's are B's' and 'All B's are C's', then if it is such that both the propositions are true then we can infer that 'All A's are C's'. Now, as long as the propositions are true the conclusion can stand the test of time. When it comes to ignorance and lying one cannot say all ignorance is evil or all lying is deceptive.

 The trick is not in being able to identify the bad acts associated with ignorance and lying, they are too easy to spot. Like don't be ignorant and get yourself killed or don't lie when you can get screwed for doing so. The skill is in forming an opinion about which acts of ignorance and lying are good. Now, that is a task of a wise man. So to speak I have lied and I have been ignorant. All because I haven't been wise. And great many people have witnessed this tragedy of my life. To these people I apologize, and more so to the people who were fooled by them because they are also the ones who love me the most.

On wisdom & regret

First, I apologize.

There is a lot of awful stuff written by me on this blog. It takes certain wisdom to be able to write nice things. Sooner or later we all form an opinion. An opinion about most things that we see or experience first hand in life. Now the process of forming these opinions is rather interesting. As soon as a child is born there are certain innate actions & desires in the child. A desire to be comfortable, or trivially the desire to live and a action as trivial as the act of breathing which a child needs no training in.

I could now go on to explain Darwin's notions about natural selection but I will assume that the reader is aware of Darwin's ideas and their implications. So the child is born and we know for certain that a child dies too. That that lives shall also die. Plants , animals and of course us. But again it is still hardwired in us to go to bed in night believing we will be alive and well come the morning. Now there may be exceptions in cases of illness - mental or physical but in general everybody expects to be alive for some good amount of time but definitely not forever and ever. But there is not good enough reason to believe that entirely. Heart ailment, earthquakes, fires, cyanide  or for that matter Hiroshima-Nagasaki can happen anytime.

However, it is not reasonable as the chance of any of these happening is less. I won't however say that reason is the only thing that is at work here but there is optimism as well which certainly finds more favor with humans rather than plants and animals. How these emotions and in general concepts like optimism attach to humans is rather a bit of difficult explaining to do but we do know with certainty that it is not the work of my knees.

So all I shall say is that it is the brain where all this action is happening and most of it evolves as we age but the initial bit is formed sometime after the sperm and the ovum have had their work sorted out after fertilization. I shall not humiliate myself by talking about the initial phases of the brain development. Rather, I will focus on the age angle. So as a child ages it gets wiser. The child knows when and how to cry and get the work done which initially is limited to hunger, thirst, discomfort and yes about surviving.

Now, I use the word survive because living is hardly a baby's concern. We start living once we become reasonably wise. So now I shall get back to where I started from which is about my apology about whatever I have written till date. And to make it grand, I had rather say that don't hold me responsible for any of my actions from the time I was born to date. I lived my age of wisdom in a rather ignorant state.


However, it shall be a pity if one was to die ignorant. Fortunately, I realize that but I don't know how big an achievement that is and so I shall leave it for the reader to decide on that but not before pleading the reason in him to think of the ignorance that we all live in.And also, I shall not claim wisdom but I have now with me the knowledge of it's existence.

And as long as I survive, I shall also live.  

what ? who are they. i dont even know them. i dont think i like them. they are just frisbees, they come and pass. thats it. they are nothing to me. they dont even exist. why should they? like i dont have any use of them. i dont even want to use them. they are as much waste as i cant take. why even bother to think about them. i really dont feel their need. i despise it. perfectly needless. they are dead. too dead to come back again. i can see their ghosts now. red, green , blue orange. they are like colors. whats your favourite color? i am past that now. god take care of them but dont expect it from me. like they start killing me and i am already half dead.

hey,

look what i found, nothing , absolutely nothing. like i wanted to go but i didnt. what if I had? nothing, absolutely nothing. there still is a lot to look forward to, right. I absolutely think so till I think too much. How can there be an awful lot of stuff to look forward to. to tell you the truth there isnt much. How the hell did you ever think of such a thing. Its right there looking at you. dont you get it. like you should but you dont. why? To be there and still not be there as if it was the place meant to be. not exactly, maybe. look i really dont know. its a lot to be weighed down. you got to run up and face it. but i really dont get the hang of it. maybe, surely or what. do you know. frankly tell me whats on your mind because i dont have a clue about me. tonight we dance. no maybe we dont. like i am acting weird and there is far too much nonsense out here. i got to clean up. dont you think so. but it keeps on getting bigger and bigger. its piling on like anything now. the mess. like the place is too dirty now. right to the animate, its too dirty. excessive dirt. mind if i mind what i dont mind. as in tell me what, why. its heavy. too heavy. i can feel it. can you? ofcourse you cant. you do, right? . I dont know.

Dry Fruits

Afraid of dark I close my eyes only to find myself in even more darkness. I had rather turn blind searching the most flickering of lights around than subject myself to this self imposed darkness. New Year is too far away and I can’t help it if there isn’t a special occasion just around the corner to make resolutions, therefore I’ll initiate a special change in me, and celebrate the occasion with a resolution that I’ll infuse pride into me. Pride enough to make me feel good. Who doesn’t wish to be the best? Everyone does but then there is scope for only one to be that.

Average is good. Above average is better. Being happy is the best.

Butterscotch

Pessimist, Optimist and Realist went to buy an ice cream. Pessimist was sceptical about the chances of their finding an ice cream parlour while Optimist was busy deciding the flavour he wanted. On the way Realist was robbed and Pessimist thought Realist had been stabbed once in the chest and twice in his buttocks and called for an ambulance. Optimist asked for directions from the robber. Once the ambulance arrived Pessimist made sure that Realist had been checked for all sort of injuries including slipped disc, internal bleeding and HIV infection. Optimist tried to console Realist and told him that he had already taken the money out of his wallet in the morning and had spent it on the party they had in the afternoon which had now become a surprise party according to Optimist. Realist was pleased to come to know that the surprise part of the party which he had not tried to guess in the afternoon and had also not been trying to guess since the last week when the first mention of this particular party had been made because he did not then know that it was a surprise party was that he was the one who had paid for it. Pessimist quickly checked his wallet for any further surprises but could not find it.

Meanwhile police arrived and before they could start their interrogation Pessimist spoke to his lawyer and talked about anticipatory bail fearing his arrest because the robber was of around the same height as him. Optimist finished deciding the flavour he wanted and thought about starting in the direction of the ice cream parlour. Realist reminded him that he owed a lot of people a lot of money which then was enough to upset Optimist as he had hoped that the head injury Pessimist was sure of Realist had suffered would make Realist forget all his credit history. Pessimist was relieved when he was off the list of suspects after one or two questions. Optimist was further upset when he was asked three more questions in addition to the standard questions that the police had asked as soon as they had arrived there which included his name as well. Pessimist was happy that he had only one name and he could not identify the robber and hence could not say what the robber’s name was but what troubled him was that he still had a name which he had to speak at so many different places and frequently too and feared that if someday he forgets his name and then speaks some different name instead he will then have two names. 

Optimist reached the ice cream parlour and asked for the flavour of ice cream he wanted. Pessimist too had reached the place with Realist and asked if they sold ice creams and whether they were cold enough and would not melt in their hands. Finally satisfied realist took the butterscotch he had asked for and ran without paying, speaking again to his lawyer just in case he gets caught.  

Whatever

Richer than ever, i sat too qualified for a depression.

Frenzied into a stupor, i waited for an expression.

I fell, declined, collapsed and rose, fell again and struck a pose.

I smiled, I saw in front of me God.

He asked me what is all this struggle for?

I smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled.

I kept on smilng, he lost his patience, he then damned me for my actions.

I still stood there smiling again, pained at heart but plain sane.

I said to him "There is a reason, you know very well"

The reason I smiled every time I fell.

"I made you this way is that what you say?"

"No, I wanted it this way is what I meant"

He smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled.

He smiled and left behind just a note.

'I am sorry for the pain I cause,

but I feel proud when you prove me wrong.

It is an honor to have created a dreamer this strong.

Whatever may come your way, never ever let your hope sway'

 

And I folded it and put it into my pocket,

Wondering, Why and with whom had God discussed me as a bet.