Guide to a Women's heart

Surgeons can always explain to you the exact procedure but I would advice you not to follow their example. It is risky and a visit to in-laws is complimentary. There is no point in wearing a white dress with black stripes for the best part of your life when all you wished to do was to get into a women’s heart. There are other ways to do so which even I don’t completely understand but at least I know they exist.

So much has been written about all this that my attempt will be vanquished by even the weakest advice by an otherwise total idiot who has been reading the already available e-books etc etc and hence I’ll write honestly what I have inferred till date from my experiences and also those of my friends and even those of my competitors and the ‘bestest’ foes so that some of you might contemplate awarding me a PhD or a similar title while others swear at me.

So it goes like this, We never realize that the answer is always around us while we are busy looking for it everywhere, looking where?, is what I don’t wish to answer because we men have the uncanny habit of being interested in things which attract strong words of criticism from the womenfolk. Let me first explain to you a notion, ‘A Man’s man’. A Man’s man is a person with qualities that are acceptable to his male friends with all admiration and respect. He is cool, handsome, pleasant etc etc at least to his male companions. Sadly he may or may not be acceptable to the ladies, who are the topic of our discourse in this post. His image can range from being a chauvinistic pig to an absolutely desirable man. So how is all this related to the issue of the present hour? Well the answer is that we all must first become A man’s man at least then we stand a chance of being in the domain where we are eligible for a place in the range we just discussed above. Be A Man’s man first because a person who can’t bond well with his own community cannot command respect of the opposite sex. So now I have in front of me just two communities Men and Women and may be by now some of the readers must have surrendered their interest to read the rest of the post. Please accept my sincere apologies.

Now let us further divide the women community into known and unknown. I know Katrina Kaif but that doesn’t mean that she comes in the known category for me you know what I meant when I said known women, sorry but this is the way we should proceed in our quest. So by now the pie charts of most of the readers must be such that they are in a position to assign a majority or minority status to each of the categories. People who have assigned ‘Clear majority’ to the known category need not read this post because you all should have a different action plan as you already are in someone’s heart and just need to look for her, I’ll suggest a football game (when I said men look at all the wrong places I was very serious). Now for the rest of us, who are already in process of redrawing the pie chart, please stop. The situation will not improve by your artistic magnifications on a piece of paper.

The first rule is that you always need to increase your chances and that is possible only if you make friends with as many women as possible. When I said friends it meant genuine friends not just for the sake of improving your chances but because the day when your quest may end abruptly because you are too tired or too old or retire to heaven to try your luck with angels, you’ll always have people who will be there to make you a legend and probably place few flowers at your grave.

Rule 2 is concerned with identifying what kind of heart you desire. Ideally it should be big enough to accommodate you along with all your acts of imbecility but then the demand varies from person to person and I would not discourage you from demanding too much because ours is a free country but please also keep in mind that the factory where women are manufactured isn’t very sophisticated to handle steep demands.

Rule 3 says that you can never predict what exactly will impress a women and what will ruin your chances. A friend of mine recently told me that the list varies according to the kind of gal but it is usually very easy to comprehend, so you see it is nothing like the constitution of India. She says that acceptable looks, being a good conversationalist and chivalry will generally floor any women. ‘So you see it is not all that complicated’. Please forgive me for saying that because I know it may seem to be easy but it is not. So be confident when you talk to a gal because even if she is not impressed, you will still most probably die married. Strange, isn’t it? Marriage and death can be spoken of in the same breath.

Rule 4 and the most important of them all; you should know when you have to quit and the good thing is that I realize that I need to take a break at this point and continue some other time because this rule is not just applicable to the topic of our discussion but also to life in general. So your host now promises to be back after a short break during which I interview some more girls so that I can build on my knowledge and then try to help my non existent reader base .